Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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