I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
