sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
