Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
