Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
