I hate all girls vehemently.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
