I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
