This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
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I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
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He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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