She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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