An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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