Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
