So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
