what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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