So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
