He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
