never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
