My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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