three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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