the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i believe in u and ur pee
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize