So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
