Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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