my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
