Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
