You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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