I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
