your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
