He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
