Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
