Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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