i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
