Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
