and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
