does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
