so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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