I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
