and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
