Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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