threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
