It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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