I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
