I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When did we convert life to cartoon?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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