In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
