dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
