from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
