i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
