Will you blow on my dice?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Randomize
