she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
