Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I understand Curling. That high.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
