Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Randomize
