the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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