he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
