mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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