the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
