Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
