it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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