dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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