I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Barsexuality is the new black.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
