would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
