How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I need to calm my uterus...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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