Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I need to calm my uterus...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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