the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
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Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.