I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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