Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
