i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
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Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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