All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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