Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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