you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
