Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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