Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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