Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
