Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
