the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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