First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize