You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize