Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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