well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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