you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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