Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
