This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and she was petting her beer can
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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