I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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