took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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