I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
