We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
