We won't sleep together?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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