don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
