I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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