Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
