So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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