in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
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Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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